


Widow's Grief

by GlassesOfJustice



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Clint Barton Dies, F/F, Fingerfucking, Fix-It of Sorts, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, MCUEx: Treat, Natasha Romanov Lives, Past Clint Barton/Laura Barton, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 14:26:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19703230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlassesOfJustice/pseuds/GlassesOfJustice
Summary: For the prompt:Endgame AU where Clint dies instead of Laura and Natasha and Laura end up falling into bed or falling for each other while grieving





	Widow's Grief

**Author's Note:**

  * For [within_a_dream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/within_a_dream/gifts).



> I can only hope I did your prompt justice.

"Auntie Nat?" Laura hears Nathaniel ask. 

Laura is braced against their picnic table and her head is pounding. The boys are on the ground and Nathaniel's eyes are so wide his eyebrows disappear under his shaggy hair. Laura follows his gaze off to her right and sees Natasha walking out of a. . . Laura's not sure what kind of technology it is, but it looks like their yard was zippered open from within and the hole Natasha is coming through is framed with orange sparks. 

"Mom?!" Lila yells, drawing her attention in the direction of the archery target. Lila stumbles toward them and Laura remembers she was making hot dogs, but the table in front of her is empty. Laura wonders where Clint has gone. The pounding in Laura’s head dissipates slightly but she feels a new sharp pain at the base of her skull. Something is wrong. Everything seems familiar but not quite right. Laura presses her eyes closed trying to clear her head. She remembers feeling weird and suddenly weightless, then nothing.

When she opens her eyes again the kids have Auntie Nat in a group hug and any trace of her arrival has disappeared. Laura tilts her head slightly, openly staring at Natasha. The longish red and blonde french braid in Natasha's hair is another thing out of place. Natasha is in one of her Avengers suits, but she’s covered in dirt and unidentifiable muck, and she has more than a few cuts and bruises on her face and her suit is torn in places. 

Laura slowly makes her way over to the group, her head still pounding, everything feeling thick and slow like she’s wading through molasses. She locks eyes with Natasha and instantly understands something is very wrong. The farm comes into hyper-focus and Clint is still nowhere around. Everything is how she remembers it, but Laura notices a new coat of paint on the barn and their cars are gone. 

“Did you come for hot dogs?” Nathaniel asks.

“Yeah, Nat, Dad said you wouldn’t be able to come see us for a few months,” Lila adds.

Natasha breaks eye contact with Laura and turns to the kids, “Let’s go inside and I’ll tell you all about it.” Laura sees Natasha inhale a deep breath before she adds, “Cooper, take your Mom’s hand.”

“Fine.” Cooper pouts a little, resentful his younger siblings always end up with more of Nat’s attention. 

The five of them head toward the house. Natasha stops at the porch and drops the kids’ hands to reach her arm through a hole under the steps and retrieve a hidden key. 

“Natasha.” Laura can’t formulate the question she wants to ask. The empty picnic table, the new paint on the barn, Clint, Natasha’s battered state and mysterious appearance—it’s all swirling through her mind, and she can’t think clearly.

Natasha stands up and looks at her, giving a slight nod of her head. “Laura, come inside, I’ll explain everything. I promise.”

Natasha unlocked their door with the key from under the stairs and shoved it open. The wood frame whined as the door released. Everything inside is covered under white sheets and Laura begins to think she’s having a really vivid dream.

* * *

A few weeks have passed since Laura and her kids were brought back from the snap by the Hulk and Thanos eliminated by Tony’s self-sacrificial heroism. The same day that Natasha showed up in her yard, literally out of thin air. Natasha attempted to explain the portal to Laura by trying to describe the superpowers of someone named Dr. Strange. After a few failed attempts, they both decided it wasn’t important how she had come home, just that she was there now. In fact, they haven’t left each other's side since.

Another day has come to a close, but Laura is still awake; she takes great comfort in watching Natasha sleep, in seeing her face finally relax into a REM cycle. 

Their sharing a bed had started out as a necessity, and maybe it could still be called that. Natasha was as skilled a compartmentalizer as Laura had ever met. But her walls always seemed more penetrable on the farm, easier to come down. 

Natasha managed to tell Laura and the kids about Thanos and their own disappearance, how Clint sacrificed himself for the Soul Stone on Vormir, and the massive battle the Avengers waged to bring everyone back. She spoke briefly of the personal mantle she held up for the better part of five years trying to find a way to bring them back, and she did it all without breaking down. Laura helped her shower and bandaged her battle wounds; when they were alone Natasha hardly said a word. Laura held herself together by focusing on Natasha’s fragile state. The sight of someone she’s always looked up to, whose strength could be overwhelming at times, standing under the hot stream of water, mute, a shell of herself, was a lot to handle. Laura had always been strong like a tree trunk, rooted in the ground, constant. But this was a storm she wasn’t sure she could weather without breaking. 

By that evening, the kids were emotionally drained and likely still in shock. They were all still in shock. After she and Natasha tucked the kids into bed and they were sleeping safely behind closed doors, Natasha crumbled in Laura’s arms. 

They sat side by side on the upstairs landing for a while, Natasha shaking as tears silently rolled down her cheeks. Even then she was protecting the kids. Laura held her hand and stroked her hair, thankful in a twisted way that Natasha let go first and she could focus on someone else’s pain rather than her own. When her shoulder was soaked through with Natasha’s tears, she decided they needed to move off the landing. The guest room only had a single bed, so the master bedroom was the only logical option. 

She helped Natasha to her feet and picked her up and carried her to bed. She was careful of her ribs, based on the nasty bruises she had seen earlier Natasha probably had at least a few fractures, though now she seemed numb to the physical pain. Laura and Clint’s bed was big and when she deposited Natasha on Clint’s side of the bed she looked so small in it. She was still crying and the only thing Laura focused on was trying to comfort her. She crawled in behind Natasha and held her for hours until they both drifted off to sleep.

As the days passed, a quiet settled over the house in the evenings. Natasha and Laura spent the days holding it together for the kids, trying to make sense of their new life. When it came time to go to sleep, they were both emotionally drained and in need of another person breathing next to them. There, just in case they needed something. The small comfort of knowing neither of them were alone was something they need not vocalize, they felt it in their bones; in the back rubs and soul comforting embraces.

Laura has to keep reminding herself that Clint is never walking through their front door again. Every time she hears the screen door creak open and closed her heart lets her think it might be Clint, and it’s a gut punch when her brain reimposes her new reality on her. 

This whole cycle is made worse by the fact that it’s so often Lila coming in and out. Lila’s spent almost every waking hour since Natasha broke the news to her outside shooting arrows. It’s as if she believes participating in their once shared activity could bring her dad back. Lila definitely inherited Clint’s stubborn side. Laura wonders how many arrows Clint shot into that target while they were gone. Natasha still isn’t ready to talk about the lost years. 

What finally cemented Clint’s death in Laura’s heart _and_ mind was when Natasha started having nightmares about his death. Laura’s pretty sure Natasha barely slept in the first week she was there. Natasha watched over her and did everything to make sure Laura had space to grieve, someone to hold onto. But lately, every other night, sometimes more often, Laura is awakened by Natasha muttering Clint’s name over and over like she’s saying a mantra, tossing and turning, face twisted in anguish. 

Laura brushes the hair away from Natasha’s face, gently strokes her head, and eases her awake. Sometimes, Natasha will roll over and try to go back to sleep for a while before facing her again and apologizing for waking Laura up and for forcing her to relive Clint’s death. Other times, Natasha is already in tears by the time she is awoken and they cling to each other and cry softly into each other’s shoulders, hoping they won’t wake the kids. 

Laura dozes off watching Natasha’s lip twitch slightly as she sleeps. The thud of Natasha’s foot against Laura’s shin wakes her. She’s having another nightmare and nothing Laura tries wakes her up. Instinctively, she plants small kisses on Natasha’s forehead, like she does when the kids are having a bad dream. Natasha is thrashing around, so Laura pins her leg with one of her own, kissing her a little harder, this time on the cheek. 

"Natasha, wake up," Laura says in her ear. She goes to kiss her cheek again but Natasha jerks her head and she catches her on the mouth instead. Natasha seems to respond, lifting her head into the kiss; when their lips part Natasha's eyes fly open and they scramble apart. 

"I'm sorry," Laura says, panic flooding her voice. "You were having another nightmare and I wasn't able to wake you, and I didn't mean to. . ." _To what, Laura?_ When Natasha started to kiss her back, she can't deny the thrill it sent through her. 

Natasha is more awake now and scoots closer to her, taking her hand. "It's okay, Laura. You just surprised me." Natasha pulls Laura closer to her and kisses her forehead. They lock eyes but after a moment Laura shyly turns into the pillow. Natasha caresses the side of Laura's face and it sends a warmth through her body which she desperately needs. Laura looks at Natasha again and she stares back at her, brown eyes full of understanding.

"What are we doing?" Laura wills herself to ask.

"What we've been denying ourselves for weeks," Natasha says simply. 

"I need you." Natasha implores as she leans into Laura. "I couldn't save him," Natasha confesses, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I tried to change places with him, I tried so hard."

"You've been so strong for so long, Natasha. I'm here, I've got you." Laura reaches out to run her finger over Natasha's cheek bone, wiping away a tear that has just fallen. Laura pushes her hand through Natasha's hair, gently pulling her into a kiss. She tastes salty tears on her lips as she pushes her tongue into Natasha's mouth. Natasha pulls Laura even closer to her and swiftly rolls them, Natasha's body blanketing Laura's.

Natasha breaks the kiss. "Laura, I need you to be sure. We can't take this back."

"I need you. I'm afraid I need you more than you need me."

Laura feels Natasha’s rebuttal with her mouth, teeth sinking into her shoulder; her knee making room between Laura’s thighs. The weight of Natasha settling onto her is the most comforting thing she’s felt since Natasha arrived. Natasha sits up on Laura’s thighs so she can pull her skin-tight tank top over her head. She scoops Laura off the bed and into another needy kiss. Natasha’s hands support Laura’s lower back, and her fingers press into her ass. Laura raises her arms, inviting Natasha to take her tank top off. Once the physical barriers between them start to disappear, so do the emotional ones. 

The feel of Natasha’s nipples pressed against her own make Laura woozy. She wants every inch of their skin touching. She feels like a live wire, Natasha both grounding her and sending her sparking all at once. 

“Boxers off,” Laura demands. 

“You are so very sexy Laura.” Natasha says, hopping up and shucking her boxers with ease. 

“Hips up,” Natasha orders in return, pulling Laura’s pajama pants off and dumping them off the bed.

“I have some toys in the drawer,” Laura starts to say, looking toward her night stand. 

Natasha easily lowers herself back on top of Laura, dragging her index finger over Laura’s lips. “I have all I need right here.” Natasha circles back and Laura sucks her finger into her mouth. Laura presses her body into Natasha’s, begging her to touch her where she needs it most. Natasha’s knee presses firmly into her labia, just grazing her clit. “You’re so wet,” she whispers into Laura’s ear.

The raspy sound of Natasha’s voice in her ear sends another gush of liquid from her cunt. She pulls Natasha into another kiss and digs her nails into Natasha’s back. Natasha takes well to this encouragement, her hand replacing her knee. She gently strokes Laura, working her open and coating her fingers in Laura’s natural lubricant before inserting two fingers deep inside her. Laura can’t help but cry out. Natasha covers Laura’s mouth with her own, swallowing the noise. 

Natasha moves her tongue with the rhythm or her hand, pulling an orgasm from Laura easily. She doesn’t let Laura recover, instead adding a third finger and clamping her mouth down on one of Laura’s nipples. Laura thinks briefly about protesting but nothing comes out of her mouth and the pleasure she’s deriving from Natasha’s mouth overrides all other thoughts. Natasha palms her other breast, tongue still working her taut nipple, fingers thrusting her open wider and wider, wetter and wetter until another orgasm shakes loose. 

“Natasha.” With no sign of stopping, Laura tries to get her attention. Natasha kisses her—lip bruisingly hard, instead of answering.

“Nat,” Laura says when she comes up for air. 

“You’re doing so good. One more, please, let me help you forget? Let’s forget everything but this?”

“I’ll never forget this.” Laura says, as if their lovemaking was like the air she breathes.

Natasha thrusts deep into her, one finger finding her g-spot. Laura digs her heels into Natasha’s calves and buries her hands into Natasha’s new hair which she loves so much. Laura’s body is on fire, their both slick with sweat and she’s teetering desperately between pain and pleasure. Her eyes press together, a lone tear rolling into her hair.

“Hold on Laura, you’re so close, you can do this. Relax, breathe,” Natasha encourages. Natasha’s adeptly pressing the spongy ridge of her g-spot, thumb simultaneously rolling over her clit and Laura’s body comes undone. Natasha holds Laura as she shakes through a massive orgasm, fingers clenched in place until Laura’s body goes slack. 

Natasha pulls the sheet over them and kisses Laura softly, settling into her chest.

“You’re stunning. Absolutely amazing.” 

Laura kisses Natasha’s hair, too spent to argue. Laura is exhausted and vulnerable. And yet, she feels completely seen and understood by Natasha. Laura isn’t sure where they go from here, but her body is demanding she sleeps. As she’s pulled into unconsciousness, Laura recognizes the tension she’s been carrying around has finally dissipated. Natasha succumbed to sleep before her and Laura closes her eyes with the image of Natasha’s face relaxed on her chest imprinted in her mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Tremendous thank you to [saiditallbefore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saiditallbefore) for the fabulous beta work and encouragement.


End file.
